4.5 out of 5 stars
On Amazon UK HERE
How I discovered this book: I've known the author on social media for about ten years and have always loved everything he's written. This book is in three parts. The first two, Inkker Hauser and Literastein, were originally published separately and have been slightly re-vamped in this edition. The third, Death From Below, now completes the story... sort of ;)
This book is unlike anything I've read before and probably will ever read in the future, and it won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it's most certainly mine. Phil Moss's nameless character (who, later, hits upon the name Inkker Hauser, reasons explained in the story) is a writer. He knows that he possesses the raw talent and originality to light a fire under the literary world, if only he could just write the book that's inside him ... somewhere. He doesn't want the pathetic glory of Amazon ebook bestseller tags and five star reviews from sycophantic fellow writers and chums, he wants the highest literary accolades in the world for the masterpiece yet to be born, after which he will write no more, depriving his fans of the words he knows they will crave.
The young man's story is funny, sad, tragic, and I've read some parts more than once because they're so good. Not only is he delusional, he also has a drink problem, an obssession with dead birds, nautical disasters and model submarines, a deep and abiding love for his fish, Kursk (named after his favourite nautical disaster). He's lonely, and longs for a woman to love, but his behaviour repels those who are attracted to him (I get the impression he's rather handsome). In the second part there is the best story of a disastrous date ruined through too much alcohol that I've ever read. He despises self-promoting, self-published writers, and is driven to a state of insanity when one, the irritatingly smug Adrian, moves in upstairs. When Adrian and his wife Claire (who calls our hero 'Inky') invite him to a cocktail party, he sees an opportunity to show himself in his best possible literary light. Of course, he drinks too much, it all goes horribly wrong, and ... sorry, no clues!
The characterisation all through the book is outstanding (I particularly liked the characters in the pub in the first two parts), and the young man's slow descent into alcohol fuelled eccentricity bordering on insanity is brilliantly executed. Sometimes, though, his thoughts are not so offbeat; sometimes you'll find yourself smiling in agreement. Despite, or maybe because of, his unusual characteristics, he's so likeable. I want things to work out for him. I also think that novel is in his head, somewhere ...
In much of the book there is only the one character, with his thoughts, curious impulses and domestic rituals, and it never moves further than his local pub, The Laughing Goat, his local shops and the flat upstairs, but there is not one boring sentence.
There are some punctuation and grammatical errors, and in places it could do with a bit of 'tidying up'; I've knocked off half a star for this only in the interests of valid and honest reviewing, but it scarcely detracted from my enjoyment. 20/1: Please note: the author tells me that the errors have now been fixed and a new version uploaded.
Meanwhile, I won't tell you about the seven television sets, the gas mask, the mannequin and the black marker pens. You'll just have to read it for yourself.
5 out of 5 stars
Novella, dark humour
Originally posted on Amazon UK HERE on 10 September 2014
On Amazon.com HERE
I've just re-read this - so good I read it twice!
The nameless narrator of this short memoir is one of the most memorable fictional characters I've come across in ages: a delusional, borderline insane young man who is convinced he's a literary genius though he has written nothing at all. He talks of his 'writers' block' throughout, and pities his hard drinking grandfather for not having the talent or tenacity to write his much talked about wartime memoirs, never seeing that he is talking about himself.
Phil Conquest is one of those natural storytellers who can make even the most mundane occurrence interesting. There's a marvellous scene in which the young man is in the library trying to look 'writerly', but succeeds only in getting biro ink all over his hands. Conquest has the rare ability to convey the exact mood of a scene with only a few sentences; this is even more beautifully illustrated in chapter 8, when the narrator hopes to stun his fellow pub quiz team members with his literary knowledge, but fails dismally. My favourite chapters are 6 & 7; in 7 he rants against illiteracy on social networking sites (it's brilliant!), and against the people he despises most: the 'bestselling' ebook authors. It's not only funny, it's so sharply observed. He sums up the characters in his own life so succinctly, too. I loved the description of a barmaid in his local: "A short girl ... quite round and a natural frump, she seemed to think she could divert attention from this by painting her nails garish colours, wearing massive earrings and laughing at almost anything".
One of the reasons why the nameless young man is such a compelling character is that Conquest has done something I suspect he doesn't quite realise: he's made him lovable. Although somewhat pathetic and undoubtedly bonkers, he's also rather sweet. There is a touching passage where he tries to talk to a mumbling homeless woman in a charity shop, and another in which he tearfully apologises to the clock he'd had since childhood, smashed up in a 'writers' block' induced rage. "Poor little clock" he says, talking to it as he throws the pieces in the bin. I felt so sorry for him.
The style of writing reminds me very much of Jerome K Jerome's 'Three Men in a Boat'. It's intelligent, funny and really off the wall while still being very readable. The character has so much potential; there are at least three more parts on their way. Very highly recommended indeed!
INKKER HAUSER Part Two: Literastein by Phil Conquest is not yet published, but I have received an advance copy and reviewed it HERE
