Thursday, 9 April 2015

SENIOR SEX PARTIES 5 by some bloke called Sally Hollister

0 out of 5 stars

On Amazon UK HERE


I ruined my customer cred on Amazon after someone sent me THIS LINK ~ an article showing the worst of the worst of Kindle book covers.  It was touch and go: should I download this or 'But... you're a horse'?  Senior Sex Parties 5 (though I think the one I'm reviewing is actually 2, but I daresay they're all the same!) won; until I looked it up I am happy to say I knew nothing of this murky area of Amazon ~ oh, that I still didn't.  But I've had to find out about it, so you can, too!

I read it whilst waiting for my husband to come out of the doctor's surgery for a routine appointment, with time to spare.  Whoever this Sally Hollister geezer is, he's got it sussed - a five minute read of badly written filth, slap on a cheap 'n' cheerful cover, stick it on Amazon for just over a quid, and Bob's your uncle!  Or Bob's the OAP next door with the 'enormous todger', perhaps.

Do not be fooled by the presentable - nay, moderately attractive, even - couple on the cover.  The sex crazed seniors in the world of Sally Hollister are called Bert, Dinah and Frank and say things like "Ey-up, luv, make us a cuppa then I'll give you a bit of anal."  A comment below tells me that they call the 'author' 'The Thinking Erotic Readers' Writer'.  All I can say is that I wouldn't like to see stuff for those who don't think, then.  Can't be worse than this riot of assorted orifice filling, all in the cackling tone of "Ooh, he's a right one, our Bert!"

It's probably the least erotic book I've ever read, and it's not even funny, it's just disgusting.  It's like someone sat down and thought, I think I'll write the most revolting book I can; believe me, it's seriously gross.  I was thinking of writing a proper review of it, just for a laugh, stuff like "I felt the character of Frank could have been developed more", but I thought if I did there would be bound to be someone who took it seriously....!

(When I told my friend Phil Conquest I'd read it, he said "Did it work as a stand alone?")

Next week: The Silver Swingers I: The Adventure Begins.... 



25 comments:

  1. LOL No going back now! You’ve dragged it out of the depths. It sounds totally revolting...yuck!

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    1. It's a massive industry, Cathy - we're in the wrong business!!!!

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  2. Terry, I'm just so choked up and emotional that you took one for the team like that... Actually going so far as to ensure that the worst possible adverts and popups will assault your computer for the rest of your natural life, and all in the name of answering the WTF? going through each of our heads. You're my hero. (But only as long as you never reveal what you saw there, of course.)

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    1. Ha ha ha! I was tempted, but removed certain words like 'orifice' from the review in second draft!!! Look, I did for you guys, all of you. Thanks, Barb, I'm so glad you appreciate the sacrifice I've made... don't think I'll put the review on Amazon, tho....

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  3. Sold.
    Will download it pronto.

    I can't believe you reviewed it in any capacity, haha! Nice one.

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  4. I might write my own #senior #erotica book: A Man Called Sally.

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    1. I can think of someone else who might like to... :)

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  5. Oh Terry you are funny, I'm not going there at all.

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    1. Ha ha, I thought, there's no way I'm sitting through this rubbish and not reviewing it!!!!!!

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  6. I feel violated just reading your review but even more shocking than the sex crazed pensioners is the fact that you find the couple on the front cover moderately attractive. I would have their card marked the second I spotted them - swingers/serial killers!

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    1. It's all relative, Workshy. In comparison with Bert, Dinah and Jean, she of the - no, no, I promised I wouldn't -, they're positively Hollywood glam. The couples in SSP are of the singalong in the working men's club, fat old birds sitting outside caravans in the sunshine with their legs apart variety. At least the Dinah on the cover looks as if she might know about underarm depilation. Yes, I promise I'll stop now :)

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    2. Ha ha ha - I'm in Cleethorpes for the day where there are lots of caravans. Im spying potential swinging pensioners everywhere now thanks to you. You've scarred me for life :D :D

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  7. Her Goodreads and amazon author pages are hysterical!

    As for her output? Maybe I'm just getting old!

    John

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    1. I think I'll give the Goodreads page a miss, John!

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  8. This has just made me roar with laughter - what a delight to find it in my inbox!! I think we all appreciate the sacrifice you've made for us T and cheers for brightening up my day! Must just go and check the amazon author page though - hahaha!!

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  9. Well 'They call her the thinking erotica reader's writer' and I'm sure 'they' can't be wrong...can they?? There's also a fascinating array of books under the Customers Who Bought Related Items Also Bought banner - who knew such things existed!! Extraordinary!!

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    1. Jesus, if 'she's' the thinking one, I wouldn't like to see the thickos. It's just a riot of everything being stuck in every orifice possible over the space of five minutes, and talking about it in a sort of chuckling "ooh, 'e's a right one, our Bert" sort of way. I know, re the also boughts, etc - quite an eye opener, eh?!

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  10. Oh my god that is so funny!! But who is reading it? Who?

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    1. This is what we need to know - or do we???? I see they are virtually all review-less - obviously no-one will own up to it! I am not sure whether to post this on Amazon or not, but I'd have to give it a star in order to do so!!!

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  11. Oh my days! I can't think of anything to say!

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    1. I think you said it all, Andrea! x

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  12. Saturday morning and what do I get with my lay in and first cuppa? Just this book review. Well. I say. I looked up some of this authors other offerings and reviews. One man was satisfied with the outcome but another said it was too short. Must have been a very frustrating read...

    Warms the cockles of my heart to know you sacrificed yourself like this, Terry. Humbling, that's what it is, truly humbling :-)

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    1. Ha ha! Thanks for making me laugh first thing!!!! I'm surprised about the too short bit; can't they just turn back to the beginning and start again...???!!! It is my most commented on review, and has had 256 views... :^D

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  13. EEEK... knocks Pottsy's Pervy Playthings into a cocked hat (sic)

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    1. Oh.... you know a couple of people have been wondering who buys these books.... :)

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